The BIG talk & my embarrassing moment at Target

We spent some time working on the GIRL'S room this weekend! All THREE girls will be sharing a room (and closet of course)! So we moved a few things out and a few things in! The crib is now set-up, rocking chair and small end table. I love the way it turned out - so much better than I imagined in my mind! I think the Lord somehow multiplied the square footage in there like he did those loaves & fishes! I'll post pictures soon.

So Friday evening I was putting the girls to bed. I was sitting in the rocking chair admiring my four-poster black crib for the 4th time and talking with them. Soon Natalie fell fast asleep and it was just Kate & I.

Pretty soon we got onto the topic of "periods." We've discussed it briefly in the past but not in a lot of detail. She began to ask some questions...how long does it last, when will it start, where does the blood come from???

Which took our conversation to female anatomy and reproductive organs...uterus, fallopian tubes, ovaries.....you know! I speak very "matter-of-fact" on these topics. Open & honest.

At this point in the conversation is when Heath started to walk in the room. But when he heard "fallopian tubes" he quickly took two steps backward. Now, if you can picture it...the girls sleep in bunk-beds with the foot-boards facing the bedroom door. So when they are laying in bed, they can't see the door so she never saw him walk in.

She and I continued talking. And soon enough we were talking about the egg being released from the ovary....making it's way down the fallopian tubes into the uterus...which naturally lead us to the topic of sperm & male anatomy.

At this point I have three thoughts, simultaneously...

1. Oh My Gosh!!!! This is about to turn into the sex talk! Is she ready? Am I ready?

2. This can't turn into the sex talk...I have not prepared...I have no book...no visuals...I once heard we were supposed to like, go away for a weekend to talk about this.

3. If this is it, then I better start praying now!

Heath stood at the door, unseen and continuing to listen. Soon he got comfortable and laid on the floor. No matter what, I just knew I could NOT look at him or we would both die laughing!

For the "boy part" I was thankful to have Hudson as my example. He has spent much of the summer running around the house, completely naked. So I explained testicles, sperm and the two functions of the penis. Then we both giggled some as I mentioned when Hud sometimes gets...you know....

The conversation continued. It bounced around a little. She asked questions. And it wasn't until about the third time she asked, "I guess I still don't understand HOW the sperm gets into the vagina???" I knew I had to answer. But then she answered her own question...

"I know...it happens on the TOILET!!!"

Laughing!! Noooo, it doesn't happen on the toilet. Hesitate. Awkward Giggle. Ummm. Well.... in a very "functional" manner...I explained that only when a husband is married to his wife....he puts his !!!!! in her ******. I can't type it.

She giggled some. And asked, When? How often? I just referred to she and her siblings and said "four times." Again...a very "functional" explanation. It's all I was ready for.

The conversation ends soon after and she goes to bed! And quite honestly, I was pretty darn proud of myself. I thought I handled the entire situation exceptionally well!!! Heath and I laughed together and de-briefed on the couch. I was glad he was there to over-hear it all!

Fast Forward to the next night...........

Kate, Natalie, Anne & I go to Target to look for baskets. First stop for me is the bathroom to pee for the 100th time that day. Kate comes with me while Natalie & Anne browse the $1 section and wait for us. Kate finishes first & washes her hands. I am still in the stall and she says..."Mom, I think we're the only ones in here." We were. "Can I ask you another question...about, you know......what we talked about last night?"

"Sure Kate, you can ask me anything. What is it?"

"How long do you wait after you get married before you know...the husband puts his penis in your vagina?"

Ohmygosh, ohmygosh, ohmygosh...it was so funny...and awkward...and strange to hear those words come out of her mouth.

I respond...cool & calm of course. "Well, technically it can happen anytime after you're married, so usually on your wedding night."

Kate: "Yeah, I was thinking that's when it happened. But I think I will want to wait like, two days. I mean, I know my husband & I will need to discuss it and make sure we agree. But, I think two days."

"Yep. Ummmm, I think that will be fine."

I wash my hands. We walk out of the bathroom. Around the corner. Down the wide, main aisle. Pass customer service. Meet up with Natalie & Anne in the dollar section. Pass accessories. Pass shoes. Passing Intimates. About to turn right toward home stuff.

I hear Natalie giggling. A small commotion is happening behind me. She gets Kate's attention (NOT MINE) and points out the fact that THE ENTIRE BACK OF MY SKIRT WAS COMPLETELY TUCKED INTO MY PANTIES! Kate quickly jumped behind me as to block anyone else from possibly seeing. She starts pulling my skirt down. I quickly realize what is happening...and of course turn to look and see who has SEEN???? I couldn't tell exactly. But it made for a GREAT LAUGH!!! All four of us were practically rolling on the ground!!!

I guess I got a little distracted in the bathroom when she asked that question. The next day at church I kept running my hand over the back of my dress, terrified that the same thing might happen without me realizing it. Surely that never happens to a person more than once in their life, right?!?!